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    I Hate Science Fiction

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    I Hate Science Fiction

    Post by Hat on Thu Oct 06, 2011 1:09 am

    "Heh," a young man with fin-like ears behind chocolate hair chuckles at a warning plastered on the screen of the cockpit of his spaceship, "Took him long enough. No clue why he wasn't there earlier. S'not like him."

    He reaches down and hits a few buttons before pushing the thrusters forward, causing the ship to speed up. He looks behind himself as he eyes the ship speeding toward him from behind. He quickly dodges a blast from a laser, then hits the comlink, bringing up a man in white and gold armor with a full faceplate on his helmet, "Sup, A.J. Was wondering when you'd join the party!"

    A monotone and computerized voice speaks through the screen, "UNDER UGR LAW 714 SECTION 2.B. DASH P I AM PLACING YOU, RAKE, UNDER ARREST FOR GRAND THEFT, MICRO THEFT, DISTURBING THE PEACE, KIDNAPPING, ASSAULT ON FEDERAL AGENTS, TRESSPASSING, RAPE-"

    "You know for a FACT I don't rape people and didn't rape anybody," the man growled at the screen as he fired off a missle.

    "YOU KNOW THE MAGINESE CONSIDERING KISSES A FORM OF RAPE," the voice says back evenly as the spaceship behind the man does a barrel roll and ends up underneath the other ship.

    "Yeah, I do now! Tch, why do you always go through the list every damn time?" Rake swirves the ship toward a star system, trying to lose the armored man.

    "UNDER UGR LAW 822 SECTION 5.P-"

    "I swear if I didn't hear you laugh accidentally that one time because I shot off the UGR Chief of Defense's pants I'd say you were some sort of robit," the man says as he glances at a red popup warning, choosing to ignore it.

    "THAT WAS BECAUSE HE WAS WEARING CUDDLE BEAR PRINT UNDIES AGAIN," A.J. the armored fellow replied matter of factly. He seems to tilt his head to the side to look at something, but ignores it.

    "Yeah, that was- Wait, again?" the brunette looks at the man on the other side of the comlink while rapidly closing the red warning popup which keeps popping up.

    "IT IS A LONG STORY THAT INCLUDES PRINCESSES AND FROGS IT WOULD PROBABLY BORE YOU," the helmeted man says as he looks to the side again, "AND ARE YOU ALSO GETTING WEIRD WARNINGS?"

    "...What? And yeah, it says, um... 'UNIDENTIFIED SOLAR SYSTEM ERROR NUMBER 794830TKHKKKKK' which is totally weird because we are right next to the UGF headquarters but there is a planet right there an- What The?!" suddenly the screen goes static as the cabin gets dark and flashes red as warning signals go off, "SHIT! C'mon, c'mon, don't crash into that planet..." Rake rapidly hits buttons as he watches his ship, as well as A.J.'s ship, start heading into the atmosphere of the planet, "Sheeeoooo..." he attempts to curse as he slowly blacks out when the ship heats up and crashes onto a landmass.

    ----

    "Nnng..." Rake's body aches, but he can move his toes.

    "is he moving?"

    "he's just twitching"

    He can hear voices, but can't place them, they are far away.

    "when will he wake up?"

    "when will the elder get here?"

    He tries to breathe, but his lungs burn.

    "ah he is here!"

    "with the blessings of the gods this holy healing water will cleanse away the sins and scares of the past and present we beseach you, oh holy goddess, to aid this man in his holy mission..."

    What? Rake tries and fails to tune in.

    "and with this final prayer I say to the spirits, ORAH!"

    There is a splash, then a scream.

    "Oh my holy mother WHY IS THAT SO COLD!" Rake jumps as an old man dumps an urn of cold water on him, causing various children around him to giggle.

    "Ah, yes," says the old man, straightening and coughing as he speaks to an angry and shivering Rake, "once again the holy healing water of our Goddess has-"

    "SHUT IT! What the hell happened, where am I?!" the young man shouts as he tries to warm himself up, quickly noticing something else to complain about, "WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES"

    "Ah, yes, you see, when we found you in the ruins of your shooting star, you and all around you was in flames. So..."

    "..." Rake facepalms, "My clothes burned up in the crash, huh?" he sighed and readjusted his blanket, covering himself more as he thinks, "These people and this planet seem a bit..." he notices he's in a thatched roof house and takes a closer look at the people. Many of the children are just wearing loinclothes and small tunics, while the older people seem to have wooden and feather embelishments, "Backwater."

    "-and that is why you are now The Guile Hero of the Stars and will set off to Mount Hoodoom first thing in the morning with our finest horses and our finest scout."

    Rake stares at the elder.

    "What."

    The elder continues, "And during that time you should end up meeting the The Bearing Hero of the Stars, most likely in the next town six days away."

    "..." the young man looks baffled at the old man as he turns to leave.

    "You should rest now, it is almost dusk and you will need to get up early. I will send a villager to bring you food and clothes shortly."

    "W-Wait!" Rake shouts and he tries and fails to stop the man and the villagers from leaving. He quickly remembers his lack of clothes and covers himself, noticing he is already mostly dry, "It is pretty warm around here..."

    He debates leaving the hut, but decides he doesn't want to prance around town in just a blanket with no shoes. He sighs and lays back, hoping he will at least be given a pair of pants.
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    Re: I Hate Science Fiction

    Post by Hat on Thu Oct 06, 2011 7:27 am

    Rake adjusted his pants again as he walks though the town at dawn, the "scout", a youthful boy with fuzzy ears and clawed fingernails on his hands and big bright eyes, showing him the way to their steeds. The boy wore a leather cap and a tunic with shorts underneath and sturdy boots, similar to what the man wore. He quickly skipped ahead and turned to face "The Guile Hero", walking backwards to keep pace with him.

    "So, mister, mister! You are from the stars right? What's it like up there? What do you do? What is your name? Do you like skinny girls or curvy girls? What is your favorite hat?" the boy asks, grinning with eager anticipation.

    Rake gives the boy a good, long look, then sighs as they start to get their horses, "I guess you could say I am from there stars. It can be kinda lonely and empty up there. I am a Space Pirate. My name is Rake. I like skinny girls. My favorite hat is the fedora."

    "Oooooh, cool," the boy grins some more, "Rake, it must be great to be down here, since it isn't as lonely!" he chuckles, pulling out two tall, white horses with saddles already prepped.

    "...I miss it."

    "...huh?" the boy looks curiously at Rake, his red hair and fur ruffling a bit at the movement.

    "Nevermind, kiddo," Rake shakes his head out of the train of thought, "What was your name again?" he tries to put up a smile, but still seems distracted.

    "Toyal! I'm Toyal the scout!" his smile widens as he hops onto the horse, then his smile fades as he realizes something, "...do you have horses where you come from?"

    "Nope."

    "...do you know how to ride one?"

    "Nope."

    "...

    "...Well, I just copy you, right?" Rake attempts to climb on the horse, but falls off, "..."

    "..."

    "...Okay, if I can't do it this time, I quit this whole quest," he gets up, dusts himself off, then climbs up onto the saddle. He steadies himself as the horse moves, but grins as he doesn't fall off.

    "Hah! You got it!" Toyal punches the air in glee, "Okay, first we head west to the town of Bloggot..."

    "Actually..." the boy looks over as Rake speaks, "Can you do me a favor and lead me to where my ship landed?"

    "The ship... you mean the fallen star? Sure!" the boy nods and starts moving the horse, grabbing Rake's horse's reigns, and leading.

    Rake takes in the scenery as Toyal leads the horses through the woods. They ride though a wooded area, with what seem to be blue deciduous trees. He wonders how likely his stuff survived, or at least his gun. Then his mind drifts to wondering about something else surviving.

    "Hey, Toyal, I have a question... That old man said somethin' about another hero... Can you explain?"

    "Huh? Oh, yeah, the Bearing Hero, called that for endurance, strength, and not dying. Dunno much other than full body holy armor," the boy shrugs as they pass trees that start to look damaged and burnt.

    He thinks back on how the other pilot looked, "...Yeah, I can see why'd you mistake that for holy armor."

    "You know him?!" the boy looks astonished, then blinks and shrugs, "Not really surprised."

    "He's a bounty hunter, I kinda have a bounty. Heck, he was chasing me because I kinda crashed the annual gala for the UGR..." Rake chuckles, a bit embarrassed.

    "...You Gee Are?"

    "Ah, sorry, it stands for 'United Galactic Republic'. It is kinda the ruling force up there, they govern the government to help with peace. Or at least try to." Rake shrugs.

    "...They don't do a good job, do they?" Toyal asks, not even looking back.

    "The bounty hunter A.J. who crashed on this planet has caught more criminals than the EGR has. It is kinda an embarrassment to the EGR Defense Chief. Though his sister is hot!" Rake grins and blushes slightly.
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    Re: I Hate Science Fiction

    Post by Hat on Fri Oct 07, 2011 3:58 am

    "Oh? Like, curvy or...?" Toyal asks, seeming to like where this is going.

    "Nah, more elegant. Dark skin, silver hair, golden eyes and lithe. She tends to be ill so she is rarely seen. She was at the gala I crashed, but she fled right away," Rake shrugs as the horses stop, "Meh."

    "Ah, she sounds pretty. Anyway, we are here?" Toyal announces as he motions to a giant crater.

    Rake takes in the sight of it before "hopping" (more like falling) off the horse and climbs down into the crater to sift through the scorched remains.

    "What is it that you are looking for?" asks Toyal, getting off his horse and following the older man.

    "Anything, really," Rake replies, "If I survived, and I am a squishy fleshy thing, I bet a gun or something made it," he continues, sifting through the ruins of what really can't be considered a space ship anymore.

    "Oh, can I help?" Toyal gives his best puppy dog eyes.

    "No offense, kid, but I doubt you know wha- YES, I found my gun!" Rake exclaims as he pulls out a black metallic pistol, with a green glowing bar in the barrel.

    "Wassa gun?" Toyal asks, curious about the object in the "hero's" hand.

    "A gun? It's, er, um... Here," he points the gun at what was once a wall but is now a charred tangle of steel and pulls the trigger.

    "WOAH," gasps the boy as he falls back, staring at a hole in the mangled metal.

    "Yeah, and if it hits a person..." Rake chuckles darkly as he flips the safety on and sticks the pistol in a pouch, "I'll scavenge a bit longer, you keep a look out for... whatever that which we should be keeping a look out for."

    "U-uh, sure thing, boss!" Toyal quickly scampers off, leaving Rake alone down in the crater.

    Over an hour later Rake climbs out of the crater, cursing his luck, "Only thing I could find in the wreckage was my gun. Still baffled how I survived that if the inanimate objects didn't."

    "Well," Toyal starts, having gotten over his nervousness, "It is because you are the Guile Hero of the Stars! The hero of prophecy that will fight along side the Bearing Hero of the Stars against the Lord of Calignosity with your allies to stop the... thing he is planning!"

    "...and that is?"

    Toyal shrugs, "Dunno, I kinda zone out when the elder speaks. Some evil plot."

    "I zoned out too, honestly. I figure I'm actually dead or dreaming and it won't matter. This is too odd for me."

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    Re: I Hate Science Fiction

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